It’s The C Word: Part 2

When I first went in to Saint Francis the doctor looked at me and told me the exact thing I was feeling, “This is going to be a waste of time.” He said that they couldn’t do anything that Hillcrest hadn’t already done and that they couldn’t get me to see a specialist without insurance. I sighed, lamented about not bringing a book, and went ahead with everything just so that I could say I had gotten checked out again.

Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long before I was given my own room. I’m guessing that since I wasn’t a very high risk case that I didn’t need a room closest to the front of the building. I was seriously given one of the creepiest rooms I’ve ever been in. We went down a couple of hallways, around a bend, until finally we reached the end of hall and the last room. It was pretty spacious but poorly laid out, windows on the wall and door had the blinds closed, and the hallway outside of my room was dark. It kind of gave me a horror movie vibe…I definitely felt like I was wasting their time in this room.

The doctor came in a little while after being set up and asked me what had been going on. I figured this would be where he would give me some blaise speech about needing to see a specialist, that it sounded just like sinusitus, and that all he could do was give me some antibiotics. It came as a huge surprise to me when he took a look at my lymph nodes and became concerned. After gently prodding at them he told me that he was ordering another CT scan for me immediately. I just sat there flabbergasted as he left the room.

The entire visit took about 6-7 hours, a lot longer than any of my Hillcrest visits, and thankfully I wasn’t alone for it. One of my best friends, Steph, came to visit me armed with a Dr. Pepper and a My Little Pony blanket. We snuggled under the blanket catching up on the months we’ve missed, laughing and keeping in good spirits.

When the doctor came back into the room I knew it was going to be something more serious when he pulled up a chair to sit down. If TV and movies have taught me anything it is that when a doctor sits down with his patients it is always something serious. The reason that it had taken so many hours to get the results back was because radiology had sent the images to an ENT, who was at home, to look at them as well. The radiologist and ENT both agreed that it looked cancerous and that I needed to see the specialist in the morning with or without insurance.

I’m really glad that Steph was there since I’m not sure how I would’ve taken that news by myself. I know I felt a wave of denial rush over me, a weird optimism that cushioned me from even thinking about how bad it most likely was. I had an appointment with the ENT that next morning anyway so there was still a chance that it could not be cancer. It could be a really bad infection or maybe something got stuck in there and needed to come out.

I went to see Dr. Moore over a week ago and the news I was given wasn’t what I hoped for. The results for the lymph node biopsy, which was agonizingly painful by the way, came back that it was a rare form of cancerous tumor that set up shop in my nose and had already spread to my lymph nodes. The next step was to perform a nasal biopsy to find out exactly what kind of cancer it is and what could be done about it.

While I waited for my surgery date I worse. The swelling, the pain, my throat became more swollen and sore on the inside, and my lips have now began to go numb. Little by little the denial I had buried myself in began to crumble and crack as the reality of my situation became more apparent. The biopsy, I think, was the final straw in breaking the denial apart. I knew I had cancer but I didn’t know how serious it could really be. I mean, you don’t hear a lot about nasal cancer like you do for other types of cancer so it must be a lesser form of cancer…right?

It’s The C Word: Part 1

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As many of you know I’ve been sick since April and haven’t really been getting any better. In fact I’ve been getting steadily worse. Since the last time I posted I have gotten amazingly worse which prompted us to go and get a second opinion.

The first sign that I was getting worse was when my migraines got so bad that I began hallucinating and begging for unconsciousness. Instead of that though I got to watch a ball of leaves walk across my friend’s parking lot. When I went to the ER there were two doctors that I saw. The first one took some blood and gave me an IV cocktail that took the pain away but gave me restless legs.

The second one was extremely rude and called me crazy. Literally. She came in and asked me about my mental history, which is pretty good considering, but then she asked about my family’s mental history which is not so good. Instead of listening to me that I was sick she told me that my family’s mental illness was finally manifesting in me. When I was a little girl I used to have migraines that caused me to hallucinate as well, but she didn’t even listen to that. Glad I never have to see her again.

The second sign that it was not getting better, and the one that scared the most people, was when blood began leaking from my tear duct. By the time we made it to the ER the blood had stopped coming out and I had no video or photographic proof to show them how bad it had been. I sat in the hospital room feeling like a crazy person to be worried about this even though I knew I should be. Thankfully I didn’t get the unprofessional doctor again but the doctor I did get didn’t do anything for me. He gave me two Popsicle sticks wrapped in tape and sent me on my way.

After that I just sat in my house waiting for the committee to approve my visit to an ENT and believing that I just had a bad sinus infection that would hopefully get better soon. A few people began to push for me to get a second opinion from another hospital, specifically Saint Francis, but I didn’t really want to go. I was rejecting it every chance I got since I don’t really like them that much thanks to how they treated the Hubby. Not to mention I didn’t want to end up with a doctor like Dr. Webb.

I finally decided to go to Saint Francis after speaking to one of my aunts, who happens to be a nurse at said hospital, about my symptoms and everyone’s concerns. I have to admit that I didn’t have any concerns right then about whether the illness could be something worse than a stubborn bacteria or virus. My aunt, however, was very concerned and after an hour and a half of talking made me promise her that I would go to Saint Francis and get a second opinion. I’m really glad that I made that promise.

Maybe This Is A Sign?

The Hubby’s dentist appointment yesterday allowed me the opportunity to start a chart with the Sapulpa Indian Health Center. He’s been going there for a while and really likes it so when the ENT’s office said I needed to talk to an Indian Center about getting a referral for them I figured why not? While my new patient appointment is in August I was extremely lucky to be able to get an appointment for this morning. Thanks to two amazing friends I was able to make the appointment without having to worry about my ability to drive. I’m extremely grateful for these two since by the time I left the appointment my vision was swerving and I was trying not to pass out. That would’ve gone extremely well driving.

The appointment didn’t go as well as I thought it would. Now, I’ve almost always gone to Native Clinics my entire life. I only went to the big ERs when I was in a very bad way and I’ve never had to have a referral done for anywhere I’ve been. You can understand how confused I am on the whole process and how I already have my own (completely wrong) ideas of how it is going to work. Imagine my shocked horror when my doctor tells me that I should get real insurance such as the Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance I gave up so the Hubby could afford his plan.

The reason I need to have real insurance instead of just tribal assistance? The amount of time to get my request seen and the high possibility that it will be denied due to costs. I was told that it would be a couple of weeks for the request to even make it to the committee! This doesn’t work for us for two reasons. Reason 1 is that the longer I am sick the longer I am away from work which isn’t good for my pay or the company. The second reason is that the specific doctor the ER referred me to is going to be leaving soon for a couple of weeks.

So we contacted BCBS to see about getting my insurance reactivated since we might have a little cash to spare towards it. I figured this hit to our budget would be okay as long as I could get healthy and get back to work. As it turns out my account was not just deactivated but deleted as well so I have nothing to turn back on. I would have to go through our insurance broker to get another plan set up for me. Sounds easy since I can’t go to work and she is open during the day, right? Unfortunately she is out of the country for a while… Timing does not appear to be on my side during this endeavor.

I have no idea what the next step is so until I figure it out I’m going to sit here and enjoy the internet, try not to die, and be happy that I have friends who can bring their dogs over for an impromptu play date with my own. Since I’ve been sick he hasn’t been able to make his weekly play dates with Bandit and I know he’s been feeling a little cooped up. Today he is running out his energy (which seems to not be depleting) and enjoying some much needed friend time.

On a brighter note the doctor said I only weigh 207, which is 3 pounds less than I thought. I have no idea if I have actually lost or gained any weight since I started working out since I’ve been avoiding the scale but I don’t mind. I’ll take the positive where I can get it!

Sinus Fun

I don’t often get sick, but when I do I get SICK. This time it is sinusitis, which is a lovely way of saying I have a horrible sinus infection that is laughing maniacally at all of the treatments we are doing. I’m on antibiotics until Wednesday, I’m not sure if they’ve been helping but I’m really hoping. My right nostril has been bleeding for almost 4 weeks now and it has really started to take a toll. We’ve tried different nasal sprays to get it to stop sooner or immediately but they just seem to make my nose angry when we try.

Along with the glorious nose bleeds I have migraines, hallucinations (we think caused by the migraines), extremely swollen lymph node that cause the entire right side of my face to hurt, and I can’t properly think. I can’t process what I see most of the time and when I do there is a possibility that I’m going to forget it. That was fun when I was still allowed to go to work. I stared at money and couldn’t remember what it was for, couldn’t remember what I person had just said, or remember what I did up to a few days ago.

I haven’t been allowed at work since Wednesday, apparently the customers don’t like it when their cashier is bleeding constantly, and it has been nice and terrible at the same time. The nice part has been being able to spend time with an awesome friend, clean some of my house, and not having to force myself to think through this illness induced haze. The terrible part is having to worry about how this is going to impact our budget. I’ve finally started to put together a good budget for our combined income and this happens to mess it up.

I’m hoping that I get to work some of next week but since it has been over 20 days of bleeding I’m not too hopeful. I am going to make an appointment with a specialist and see if there is anything they can do to make it stop, hopefully before I lose my job, and maybe make these lymph nodes stop hurting so badly. Until then I’m gonna take my meds, try not to move too much, and dream of the day I get to go back to my gym. I’m gonna hug that equipment so hard when I see it again.