Midweek Seizure

The Hubby had a grand mal seizure Wednesday morning. He was going to the bathroom after a late night of movies and just talking when it struck. I heard him hit the bathroom door where he not only broke the wood but got stuck causing his neck to be bent at a strange angle while seizing. The fall and strange angle worried me as well as the knowledge that I was too weak to move him to a safer breathing position so I called the paramedics. I called his mother as soon as they let me off the phone so she could come get me and head to the hospital.


Lawrence Sr was on his way over, thankfully, so he was able to sit with me and calm me down while I waited for my MIL. He offered to stay behind to clean up some since there were some things that still needed picked up, one of the cats had vomited and Bailey was eyeballing it pretty hard. Sometimes I think dogs are the grossest animals on the planet with all of the things they put in their mouths.

When we got to the hospital I let the nurse know that he had hit his head and seized at a strange angle since the Hubby thought that it was a ‘normal’ seizure. That, coupled with the the headache before and after the seizure, caused them to order a CT scan to make sure everything was okay. Thankfully the scan turned up normal but the rest of the after seizure wasn’t normal. He is normally sore after a large seizure but this time he was so weak he couldn’t stand on his own. He had to have two people help him into a wheelchair to leave and use my walker when we got home. We were all really worried since he had to call into work the next day as well because he was still too weak.


Thankfully he is able to walk and move around now with better ease which means he is going to work today. This is good for a number of reasons besides a paycheck. I can now use my walker to go to the bathroom without having to worry about him needing it at the same time. His stomach muscles are still really sore but that is most likely from a combo of the seizure and him coughing. Hopefully this weekend he can get some more rest and be less sore by Monday.

Stage What?!

I’m so sorry I’ve been quiet through this but a month or so ago I lost most of my fine motor skills. Couldn’t write, draw, and barely could get my foot into a shoe without it taking three or more minutes. I’ve been working on it though and now, as you can see, I can type again and write a couple of paragraphs an hour. Yay for progress!

At the very beginning of my cancer battle I was told that my cancer was only in my nasal passage and lymph node; that it hadn’t spread anywhere else and was considered to be stage 3. On October 10th I learned that the man I trusted with my treatment, essentially my life, had lied to me about this. The cancer was actually considered stage 4 and had spread to spots on multiple bone sights including my spine. As you can imagine this didn’t go over very well with me.

I was furious, betrayed, hurt, and so confused as to why my doctor would lie to me about this for so long. He had months to tell me that he had misread my first pet scan, to help me accept the news, and to answer all of the questions and concerns I am having now. As my voice rose my mother in law tried to calm me down by attempting to justify his actions and telling me it didn’t matter because of how far we’d come anyways. His partner, the poor man who had to break the news, did the same thing. I told them that how far I’d come was not the point. The point was that there was no reason good enough for him to keep this from me. This lie was too big to be forgiven, the trust needed for him to treat me was gone, and I no longer wanted him as my doctor.

Since that day I have been so afraid. There are so many questions I don’t have the answer to, so many concerns and fears, and absolutely nobody to turn to for help. It has been a living nightmare for me mentally and emotionally having to go through with this with no doctor to answer the questions I have.

Though I’m replacing my oncologist my current radial oncologist still went ahead and scheduled my pet scan for today and is still willing to do my radiation. This pet scan will show if there is any live cancer in my bones and where it is located. Once he goes through the findings he can let me know where he will be giving me the radiation, or telling me that there is too much living and not being able to do anything. The latter is my biggest fear.

At first he had planned on seeing me December 1st to discuss the findings but that date was too far away for any of our comfort. Right now we have no idea what is going on inside of my body! So today, after the scan, my mother in law went and talked to someone while the Hubby and I sat in the hallway. She was able to get the date moved up to two weeks from now instead. While it is so much sooner than December those two weeks are still going to be hell. I am about to learn my future and I know my mind will be bouncing between the hope that the chemo worked and the dread that it didn’t.

On a positive note though I have a primary care physician that has gotten me a appointment with a new oncologist next month.

A New House

The hubby and I have moved into a house in a small town right outside of Tulsa. I think it is a suburb but the hubby insists on it being its own town. I never wanted to move outside of Tulsa but with cheaper rent, closer to family, and a fenced in yard for Bailey I was convinced. With this cheaper rent I was able to get cable so now I can vegetate in front of hgtv when I’m outside the hospital.

The house was originally a one bed and one bath but the previous owners decided to add another bedroom outside the laundry room. Now I have laundry in my hallway but I also have to make sure that they did a decent job with this room. The outside brick wasn’t replaced with Sheetrock, I can already tell you that. They really didn’t do a good job of making a bedroom but the hubby and I are determined for it to work. After I’m better of course since it has a step leading down to it as well (they didn’t even level it with the house!).

We don’t have everything moved from one house to the other yet and do have a deadline from summer stone. Thankfully they were understanding that we couldn’t continue paying almost $730 in rent thanks to me having cancer. Instead of having to pay to full months plus $1000 to break lease we only have to play one month. The house is almost completely packed and ready to move into the new house.

I never thought I would live in a suburb but with me being sick it makes the most sense. The Hubby’s family is close by so they are able to help me during the day or come to our rescue during the night. And with the rent so much lower it will really help us with a single income and him having to miss days for himself and because of me. I’m also hoping that once I find a hobby that I can sell it will be able to do some renovations (bathroom, kitchen, and back porch).

One of my favorite parts of the house is the backyard. It’s big, fenced in, and there is a covered porch that I have fix up. Once it’s done it will be wonderful to sit outside during nice weather and watch Bailey play in his own turf.

I’m Still Here

Hey guys, sorry I’ve been quiet for so long but I didn’t think chemo would take this much out of me. I am feeling much more energized but the beginning of the chemo treatment left me just laying in the chair watching the days meld together. There have been some interesting things happen since my first treatment.

One of the best things is that my PET scan results came back clear! That means that the cancer hasn’t left my head or neck and traveled to different parts of me, such as my lungs or breasts. While waiting for the results I kept checking myself for new lumps or new sources of pain, which I didn’t find any. When the news came back that I was clear the entire room I was in, all of two other people, erupted in cheers. There was so much happiness in there, so much pure joy, and we are still glowing over the results after 3 weeks.

The Cancer Treatment and Research Institute of Tulsa is where I am now being treated at. My new doctor and the nurses there are so wonderful. They are kind, patient, and really take the time to listen to my fears or worries. There is a 24 hour triage nurse on call so if something changes, or I just get worried, I can call up there and they will help me through it or send me to the ER. Thanks to them my pain level has been under control to the point that I barely use the oxy they prescribed and only use the morphine every 8 hours.

Before my first chemo treatment I had to take a chemo class that told me what to expect, the resources available to me (like the triage nurse), and how my life has changed because of this. There were two large things that were discussed; the first one was that even though something seems small, like a fever, it no longer is. Chemo changes your body inside and out and those things that you would normally let go to get better on their own can actually do some damage to you if you don’t get it checked out. The second was the time period known as the nadir when my white and red blood count would be at the lowest. During this time I would feel the most fatigued and I would be more at risk for illness. Though I did get a white blood cell shot the day after chemo I still have to be careful.

The day of my treatment I admit that I was really nervous. Since I had no idea what was waiting for me my sleep deprived mind conjured images of a dark room, sad people…basically nothing good. Imagine my shock when they brought me back to a sunshine filled room with bright colored half walls and wavy pieces of glass, comfortable recliners, and soothing decor. I sat down in a little cubicle of color, put my feet up, and was offered a glass of ice water and a freshly warmed blanket. Later they told me that outside food or drink could be brought in so we have plans for a real fruit slush from Sonic to come in with me.

While the treatment itself went well, other than not being able to sleep thanks to steroids, I did have a pretty nasty side effect afterwards. My tongue developed a sore on each side and my throat felt like there were shards of glass dipped in acid coating it. That might sound a little dramatic to you but it is the best description possible, and when you are crying because you are so hungry from steroids but barely able to drink water you try to find some way to tell the nurse what’s wrong. I tried numbing lollipops, gargling salt water, and even cold Popsicles just held on my throat. Nothing worked at all and the cold actually hurt worse.

One of my friends on Facebook, who happens to be an ER doctor, mentioned that I try this stuff called magic mouthwash. You use a teaspoon a day, five times a day, and swish it around your mouth before either spitting or swallowing depending on your needs. It gets rid of inflammation, helps heal sores, and the more you use it the better it works. I only had to use it for a couple of days before I cried from not having anymore pain from swallowing or moving my tongue. Since I haven’t been eating much my stomach has become kind of small. Instead of forcing myself to eat more until I am uncomfortable I am eating small portions during the day until I am satisfied. If that means a whole can of soup or just half a yogurt and two egg rolls then that is what it means.

Next week is my Look Good, Feel Better class which helps women learn how to use wigs, head scarves, take care of our changing skin, and some makeup tips. I’m really excited since my skin on my face has been acting up so that part of the class interests me the most. We get free supplies afterwards to help us keep up our skin care and feeling good. It’s going to be a busy week next week with that class, disability interview, and then my next treatment. As my MIL says though, “We got this!”